Judgments are thoughts, and I group them into simple groups:
- ignore, not relevant to me at this point of time;
- wow, couldn't/shouldn't do that;
- what, how dare they/she/he;
- whoa, I like that, am going to borrow it somewhere sometime.
As anyone who looks or feels different will attest, when people make judgments it has nothing to do with reality. This really hit home the other day when celebrating the marriage of my daughter.
It reminded me of the time I 'got very cross' with myself. I do that often! but don't dwell on the feeling.
It was so easy to forget or ignore the fact that the 30 something colleague who was having trouble settling into the workplace was a person; rather than just someone at work. She was tall, loud and loved having fun!! In the busyness of the day it was easy to 'wish she would just grow up'. It took a Friday afternoon session at the local to begin to understand her, and see the whole person.
Now that event comes back to haunt me when, for example, a get stopped for an alcohol breath test and can't blow for the required time, and the cop says 'just relax, you can do it!' And I think, I know I can friggin' do it, if I wasn't just recovering from pneunomia! Or, when I go to buy some tech toy (I was a nerd before the term was invented), and some young punk, apologies :) but I am old and grumpy, speaks to me as if I am deaf and blind. And is overtly surprised when I use and communicate in acronyms and share some news he (unfortunately, they are still usually he's!) hasn't caught up with yet.
This is when my zen training is very valuable. It gives me a chance to take a breath, recall my past failures and remember there are no rules. Only the possibility of making the future better than the past.
Sometimes, the hardest part of being less than you imagined you would be is accepting that when/if people assume you can't do/know xzy you know better!! Say no more. Do no more. Just enjoy the please of knowing you are more than you may appear to an outsider.
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